Unquenchable hatred and unrivalled beauty

We left Hualien and headed to Taitung via an aggressively air-conditioned train, so we could catch the ferry out to Lanyu island which was about two hours off the coast. We arrived to find the ferry terminal empty, and after a long wait for staff to arrive, we asked someone what was going on. She told us the ferries were cancelled due to the typhoon. I looked around in disbelieving bemusement. We had extended our stay in Hualien to avoid this exact scenario. Now, with slow bubbling exasperation welling up inside me, we had to make our way back to a city we knew nothing about, and find the hostel I had just booked after a flurry of rage-fuelled Hostelworld searches. Now granted, the ocean did seem somewhat agitated and there were storm clouds swelling at the horizon. However, I hadn’t heard any mellifluous Scottish-accented warnings from Carol Kirkwood, so in my mind there was no imminent threat and we were being cheated out of our ferry trip.

After getting the bus and walking a little too far in the midday sun with our heavy bags, I stopped for some much-needed food. It turned out to be a very popular local takeaway eatery, but for the life of me I don’t have a clue why. What was recommended and then served to me was nothing more than strips of gooey, yet solid, translucent white slime (flavoured with heaps of raw garlic). And to wash it down? A flavourless, hot water soup with two anaemic balls of nondescript meat floating in it.

My stomach, barely placated by the culinary embodiment of pure malice, churned away in disgust but the energy made its way to my limbs and we soon made it the rest of the way to the hostel. We ended up spending three days in Taitung, a city no one gives a second thought to. So, desperately attempting to amuse ourselves, we did these things:

1. I fought against every primal urge in my body to strangle the most hateful, conceited and insipid human being I have ever met. This Finnish traveller united Brendan and I in a rarely shared loathing of another person. Unfortunately, he did make a big positive impact on our trip too (but I don’t want this to detract from how genuinely awful he was), he told us about 4Ps. This was somewhere that we actively tried to dislike upon our first visit in Hanoi but to no avail. More information on 4Ps and their divine pizzas, will be dutifully given in the Hanoi post. 
2. We went along to a concert competition for local bands in the centre of the city. It was a really nice night out, with a relaxed atmosphere and talented musicians. However, as the evening progressed, the number of heavy metal and screamo bands that performed increased and therefore, fearing for my sanity and health we left, my ear drums sighing with relief. 
3. We explored the most lacklustre seafront in existence, a fairly underwhelming park and the mountain in town, which had views all the way from the KFC to some drab housing estates.
4. I ate the biggest egg custard tart I have ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth. We ate thick sliced, caramelised toast, smothered in a fudgy sauce for breakfast. We ate… you know what, we just ate a lot, there wasn’t much else to do. 

Lanyu

Thanks to the help of the lovely hostel owner/manager we got to Lanyu in one piece. This trip was the one big expense that we allowed ourselves (we’d usually let ourselves splash out on one big thing per country). To try and combat this, we got the cheapest accommodation possible which was still £12 a night (with some places charging up to £50 for a stay in a tent). Our Airbnb had some thin mattresses on the floor in a curtained off room, some portable fans and a reliably abundant ant population. Those fans were on for every single second we were in that room, and even with two blowing with the ferocity and deafening volume of a jet engine directly onto my body at night, the heat of the island made for uncomfortable sleeping. 

Lanyu itself is a dark, mountainous, volcanic rock that is blanketed in forest and surrounded by stunningly vibrant Pacific waters. Other than hitchhiking back and forth from the ferry terminal with our big bags, our main mode of transport were the bikes we hired. This turned out to be a blessing and a curse over the three days we spent exploring the island.

Cycling the Island

Day 1

On our first day, we decided to see the southern half of the island, reaching the opposite side from our village then taking the shortcut back. The island only has two roads (discounting little streets in the tiny villages), the coastal road that allowed us to circumnavigate the island and the shortcut through the centre of the island. 

We followed the mostly flat coastal road, taking in the jaw dropping scenery that was somewhat reminiscent of the west coast of Scotland, although Scotland has never had me so desperate for a swim in the sea. Working up a sweat, actually no… Adding more layers of sweat to the sheen that had accumulated on the walk from the BnB to my bike, mere metres away, we realised the best way to stay cool was to keep cycling, taking advantage of the air resistance. However, there’s only so much the water-saturated air could do. Starting to feel the heat and our drinking water already stewing in our bottles, we turned the next corner to find an empty harbour with turquoise water. Oh, go on then. 

From there we continued around the southern tip of the island, past the nuclear containment facility and lots of goats to Yeyin (on the opposite side of the island to our accommodation). After negotiating the colossal sleeping pigs outside of the restaurant, we had a cheap and tasty lunch and felt rejuvenated for the shortcut. We knew it would be steep but Christ on a bendy bus it was the road from hell. The road went all the way up to the weather station on top of one of the mountains and being the stubborn man-child that I am I decided I would cycle it all. Terrible idea. I made three stops, out of exhaustion, waiting for Brendan to walk up (not going much slower than me on the bike) and to contemplate why I feel it necessary to be competitive even with my own thoughts. 

At the top, stupidly dehydrated, with bloodshot eyes, and severely lubricated by way of perspiration, I was receiving worried stares from couples taking photos of each other. So, after taking in the pretty amazing views, I slithered off and explored the weather station. I eventually found Brendan (who looked about an inch away from death upon reaching the top) lying down in a little shelter. 

We finished off our bottled bath water and cycled down the other side. It was just as steep, but this time with the rush of evening air billowing through our greasy unwashed locks, we were happy, cruising into town as the sun set over the ocean. 

Day 2

Knowing that seeing the north side of the island would mean having to cycle around the entire island in a day to avoid doing the “shortcut” again, we saddled up and got on with it. This time bringing plenty of water and snacks, we saw some utterly incredible scenery without fearing our imminent death. From towering cliffs dropping straight into the ocean to enormous jagged volcanic rocks the landscape was incredible but we also got to see the traditional fishing boats of the indigenous Tao/Yami people who have kept their traditions alive on the island.

We stopped back at our previous swimming hole after lunch but not wanting to swim much and unable to sit on the side due to the unbearable heat of the concrete, I urged our hasty departure and we made it back to the BnB for a cold refreshing shower. 

We had dinner in one of our favourite spots, a beach bar with a chilled atmosphere, good drinks and, we hoped, good food. My fish and chips that night was amazing and I had no regrets… well, not until 1am when I proceeded to throw all of it up. Despite this damning review of the undercooked fish, I still contemplated eating it again the next day, it was that tasty. 

Day 3

Our plans to snorkel on this day were quickly scrapped when we found out it might be harder to book our return ferry than we thought. So, we spent ages trying to sort that out, eventually our BnB owner helped us and we had the rest of the day to chill at the beach.

Our final evening on Lanyu was one we splashed out on, to reward ourselves for our cycling endeavours. Both now sporting legs as big as Chris Hoy, we headed first to the fanciest restaurant about. We demolished heavenly Thai coconut curries for dinner No.1, then I got a braised pork belly rice for dinner No.2, finally to finish the evening right, we got a whole deep-fried flying fish (which are mainly caught for ceremonial use) to share for dinner No.3. Once Brendan had finished munching on the crispy parts of the fish’s head, we moved from this roadside bar to the beach bar where Brendan had a drink and I got pancakes. 

Final thoughts

I know what you’re thinking… You really want to visit Taitung. Well, once you’ve had your fill of city-wide mediocrity you should probably visit either Green island or Lanyu island. We didn’t visit Green island but visiting Lanyu ended up being a few days on a pristine natural wonder. If I had had my Padi license at the time it would’ve been a place to spend longer as it is renowned for its diving. But as it was, it was an unforgettable and unique experience on our visit to Taiwan.