Naked Tiger, Hidden Aussies

San Juan del Sur. It was a must stop location on the tour through Nicaragua and our last stop before Costa Rica. After coming from the tranquillity of Isla de Ometepe, we came to here to party and meet some new people. Both objectives were achieved in no time.

San Juan del Sur is a chilled beach town with good surf and relaxed reggae bars where you can watch the sunset over the pacific with a rum and coke. When we arrived we knew where we were heading. The research had shown that the most riotously good time could be found within the walls of Naked Tiger. Sold.

The hostel sat outside of town, on the hill overlooking the bay, and was famous for one thing, Sunday Funday. This was an enormous hedonistic pool party, here’re the stats:

Number of hostels – 3

Number of pools – 3

Number of drinks – unknown (probably best not to think about)

We arrived at the hostel and asked if there was a room free. At the reception/bar was the manager but he was unlike any other manager we had met. He was a super chilled but also slightly mad Aussie guy (I think only Aussies can pull off this contradiction), who of course greeted us with an icy cold tinny and told us how the place works.

Pretty much everything was on a tab. Our room (which was strangely filled with moths), the food that we ordered from the hostel and inevitably the many drinks that we also bought. Once we had found our room we got talking to Gabby, who was out on the balcony. She was in her late 20s and so to us, both being 19, she was practically on her death bed. We did look after her though. We made sure she had her Zimmer frame, let her talk about how kids these days have it easy and in return she made sure we knew everything about the Philippines. The Philippines should sign her up as an overseas tourism representative because she did a stellar job.

After a night of drinking, we awoke blessed by the glory of a hangoverless morning (the closest to a miracle I’ve ever witnessed). This almost spiritual vitality sent us into the arms of our Lord and Saviour for the morning, in other words we decided to check out the massive statue of Jesus on the hill. He’s not quite Christ the Redeemer, but Nicaraguan Jesus was big enough to spike our interest. A steep walk to the top of the hill provided us with a good view of the bay and a nice breeze. After staring at NJ’s face, we were a little thirsty thinking of all his water into wine action. Luckily, Jesus was on hand to point the way to the best bars in town so we skipped merrily towards afternoon inebriation. We got distracted on the way. Spotting the interesting rocky side of the bay, we clambered over the rocks and had a little paddle before getting back onto the sizeable main beach of the town. After cooling off, we strolled back along the beach admiring the emerging volleyball talent of the youth in town. One lad impressed us on the court. We thought of him as the Santiago Muñez of volleyball. All he needed was a strangely faithful old Newcastle scout and he would’ve been in the toon in no time.

I realise that the whole Newcastle scout nonsense will have made pretty much no sense unless you’ve seen the film ‘Goal’ about the rise of a Mexican football player. However, I felt it important to express this kid’s talent in the only way I know how, obscure film references.

The next day we met Emily, thanks to Brendan doing some much needed socialising that I couldn’t bring myself to do that early in the morning. Emily, who was later known affectionately as “Dead Emily”, was American and very friendly. We hung out with her and found out that she came to Nicaragua after graduation to learn some Spanish, teach some English then just see what happens from there. The teaching part was in the north, in León, where we had visited at the start of our trip. We had been advised to take malaria medication for this area despite only being there for a few days. She was going to be there for a few months without any medication at all…

So, as a recap, she had no protection against malaria, no knowledge of Spanish (hardly anyone speaks English in Nicaragua) and had very little idea what she was doing. Therefore, the name “Dead Emily” was born.

That day we swam in the sea with D.E, it had a lovely sandy bottom and the sea was the perfect temperature. We spent the rest of the day trying to teach her some Spanish (somewhat unsuccessfully) and marvelling at her spontaneity.

Finally, another notable character was Aaron. Another Australian (they made up at least a third of the guests, so in fact they were the opposite of hidden, contrary to what the title may suggest) and we reckoned he was maybe the most chilled guy ever. He was a man with an extraordinary talent. He managed to put, “Ay” onto the end of almost any sentence making it sound like a question. Having not met many Aussies at this tender age, it was a confusing quirk that we loved.

With this motley crew and many others, we had a brilliant three days and nights at the hostel. The drinking game ‘Ring of Fire’ was brought to the table many a time and to my dismay beer pong was played. I’m a very inconsistent player to say the least. This showed in one night’s demolition of my opposition and the next night’s abysmal loss to dead Emily 6-0. My excuse to this day is we don’t play it nearly as much as the Americans who were all over the beer pong. After three unforgettable nights (that were a lot more easily forgotten the next morning as the hangover set in), it came down to the bit that everyone hates thinking about, the payment. We were being asked, even begged to stay for Sunday Funday but knowing the bill would be too steep we walked to reception.

We had heard the bill for Sunday Funday alone (that’s one night) is at least 100 dollars, almost exclusively on drinks. As soon as we heard that our minds were practically made up.

They calculated our expenses and immediately their eyes lit up with a mixture of shear surprise and jackpot dollar signs. My total was around 155 dollars and Brendan’s was around 120, the rooms were $13.50 a night so we were a little bit baffled how we had spent so much on alcohol.

Final thoughts

We left with extremely unhappy livers, much lighter wallets and the knowledge that we would never again be so easily seduced by the comfort of the tab system.