This introduction serves as a stern warning from the get go. If you haven’t read my Histories I and Histories II posts about the events that shaped the Levant, then I would consider doing that before tucking into this final monstrous helping of history. In the first post, I discussed the history of religion in the Levant and how this melting pot of cultural and religious beliefs led to the veritable omnishambles that was Crusades. In the second post I looked at the rise and fall of Empires and the vast benefits versus the unimaginable horrors of sweeping imperial power. This post aims to snuggle in-between the two, focussing on an Empire we all know but a story we don’t. Lying across the modern day territories of Jordan, Palestine and Syria is the Decapolis. A group of ten cities that, unlike As-Salt in the last post, were not mere byproducts of the insatiable ebb and flow of imperial power, they were vital components to the mechanics of a endlessly complicated region that helped guide its history and influence our present.

A Semi-Historical Prelude

We begin a few hundred years before the Cyrus the Great founded the Achaemenid Empire in Persia and head instead for the land of pizza and that chubby plumber in a blue dungarees, Italy. This boot shaped protrusion into the Mediterranean had been the home to plenty of tribes for thousands of years, but it was the influence of external civilisations that really shaped the future of Italy.

The Phoenicians were the first ones to break off some Italian land for themselves. Rising from a power vacuum left by the collapse of powerful kingdoms around the Levant between 1200 and 1150 BC, the Phonecians took advantage, establishing thriving city states in today’s Lebanon. They weren’t a nation in a political sense but these organised city states shared a common language and culture. This language, created by the Phoenicians, is acknowledged as the first development of an alphabet and was immeasurably influential as it spread through the surrounding lands, reaching the Greeks in the 8th century BC (who altered it to form their own alphabet). Unlike many of the powerful entities mentioned in these posts already, the Phonecians weren’t totally consumed by a need for land and power. Instead, they were known for their unmatched seafaring and trade skills. So, to facilitate the flow of coin, the Phoenicians set up very small colonies around the Mediterranean which enabled the exchange of goods, knowledge and culture between disparate powers. The expansive and enduring trade network is largely credited with the establishment of a more cohesive Mediterranean (both culturally and economically). As the Phoenicians moved westward, their colonies grew more numerable. Pygmalion (the King of the Phoenician city state of Tyre) was busy with this endeavour but also busy killing his rich brother-in-law. Shockingly, Pygmalion’s sister (Dido) was a little miffed at her husband’s murder and so was not keen to hang out with her brother anymore. One night she saw her dead husband in a dream telling her where his wealth was buried, so she dug it up and fled Tyre, heading for modern day Tunisia.

Now, the next part of the story is historically iffy (technical term) due to historical, semi mythical and full on deity characters all freely interacting in a literary free-for-all but it’s a good story so sue me. Dido settled in North Africa and established the hugely important city of Carthage in 814BC. After the Trojan War and the fall of Troy, a resourceful bloke called Aeneas escaped with a bunch of seafaring fellas to head west under the instruction of the Gods. After 6 years with only the boys for company, Aeneas landed on the shores of Carthage and was stunned by the sight of a real life woman. Lucky for him, he was a looker and that woman was Dido, the Queen of Carthage. They had a marriage of sorts where it was prophesied that the descendants of these Trojans would be the downfall of Dido’s city. Dido felt this was a severely inappropriate tone to take on her wedding day so she ignored it and got on with her life with Aeneas. Zeus had had enough and reminded Aeneas about his mission to go west to the land promised to them. So being a pious man he obeyed and he secretly slipped out of Carthage as commanded by the Gods. Dido quickly learned of this and stabbed herself to death with the sword she had given Aeneas (759BC), but not before proclaiming a curse of unending enmity between Carthage and the descendants of the Trojans. Aeneas continued onwards unaware of Dido’s suicide and rocked up on the west coast of Italy and was welcomed by the King of the Latins (a tribe in the vicinity of modern day Rome). Before he even had chance to put his feet up, he heard about Dido’s demise and set off for the Underworld to find her (as you do). After an arduous journey to the realm of the dead, there she was. Aeneas tried and tried to explain his actions but she refused to speak and turned away from him to find her murdered first husband. Rejected by his dead widow’s ghost, Aeneas returned to the land of the living and decided to repair his ego by marrying the princess of the Latins. Unfortunately, she was promised to the king of another tribe but after the king of the Latins received a prophesy, she married Aeneas instead. Appalled by a last minute jilting and the prospect of losing his deposit for the wedding venue, the other king started a war and in which he got killed. Aeneas kicked the bucket not long after but his legacy would live on through Virgil’s “Aeneid” as an account of his semi-mythological life which influenced the semi-accurate historical events of his descendants. Trying to distinguish allegorical fabrication from objective truth in ancient history is like trying to figure out why people deem it acceptable to chew with their mouths open. A necessary investigative enquiry, but far, far too much hassle.

No records of the establishment of the Kingdom of Rome remain but oral tradition was strong and the legacy of the founding of the Kingdom was passed through generations. The most popular story of the founding of Rome is said to have begun with Aeneas’ descendants, the twin brothers, Romulus and Remus. These mythological twins were abandoned on the banks of the river Tiber at birth to die (they were the sons of the former king who had been deposed) but were saved. They were suckled by a she-wolf until a shepherd found them and raised them in secret. Keeping their identities under wraps until they grew old enough to rally people behind them, they eventually decided to set up a city of their own on a hill overlooking the fertile plains. Unfortunately, city planning is a dangerous and volatile profession (as we all know) and so after a trivial disagreement on which hill they would build the city on, Romulus murdered his brother and established Rome (753BC). He reigned as the first King of Rome, but most importantly, on the hill of his choosing. 

founding of Rome
Romulus when Remus suggested a different hill

From the thick fog of semi-myth we move to the low lying mist of semi-legend and folklore. Romulus immediately chose 100 men from leading families to form the Roman senate, which was one of the enduring institutions of Roman history. In the Roman Kingdom it served in an advisory capacity to the kings, and the descendants of these 100 men (patres) became “patricians” (the upper of the two social classes of Rome). Under Romulus, Rome grew in influence and power, he established an asylum for everyone from freemen to slaves so that they could seek protection and Roman citizenship. With the city growing under the influence of colonists and asylum seekers, Rome was desperately male dominated. None of the neighbouring settlements wanted to intermarry and Romulus was worried that his city would fall to ruin with only an unhappy, rowdy, bunch of bachelors roaming around. So, he formulated a plan to steal women. A festival was organised in the city to attract outside tribes, one of which was the Sabines. While they were enjoying the Punch and Judy, Romulus gave the signal and 30 Sabine women were carried off by Roman men. The treatment of the women is debated between sources, some say they were given free choice and civic rights while others say they were sexually assaulted. Either way the surrounding tribes weren’t happy with it and after a bit of dithering the Sabines finally rallied to attack Rome. As the Sabines marched to the gates, the daughter of the governor of the citadel of Rome committed treason and opened the gates for the Sabines in return for “what they bore on their arms”. She thought she would receive the golden bracelets that the Sabines wore but instead she was crushed to death by their shields (always read the fine print). The Sabines captured the citadel and the Romans rallied to attack but the Sabine women intervened, standing between their brothers and fathers on one side and their new husbands on the other side. They showed immense bravery and forethought to unite the two sides, facilitating the joint leadership of the Sabines and Romulus over Rome.

After Romulus, six kings followed him on the throne of Rome and in this time Carthage was still growing on the southern shores of the Mediterranean, gaining independence from Tyre in 650BC. The final king of Rome was a temerarious, self possessed man with a name that screams “I was privately educated”, Lucius Tarquinius Superbus (or Tarquin the Proud). He succeeded the previous king Servius in 535BC after some backhanded acts that would come to dominate his rule but also pave the road to change. First, he married one of the daughters of the king, who was of a “mild disposition” while the other princess was much more of an “incinerate your clothes for having a dream about another woman” kind of lady. The crazy princess (Tullia) didn’t like her kind husband so conspired with Tarquin to have him killed and Tarquin thought, “Why stop there? Let’s kill my wife too”. So they did that, married each other and formed a perfect psychotic couple. Isn’t true love beautiful? Tullia decided she hadn’t had enough twisted fun with the murder of her husband, so, she encouraged Tarquin to overthrow her father and become king. After gaining support from senators by giving them presents and spreading criticism of Servius, he felt he had enough support and marched into the Senate. Once in the building he strutted up to the throne and sat down, inviting the senators to come and attend upon their new king. These brazen actions quickly reached Servius who arrived at the Senate to face off to Tarquin. The new self-appointed king leapt down from the throne with a calm fury, grabbed the king and flung him down the steps and onto the street. Servius tried to stumble back to the palace but was killed on the street by Tarquin’s assassins. In the meantime, Tarquin’s wife was on her way to the Senate to congratulate her husband on being the new king but when she got there he told her to go home in case people tried to kill her. In her chariot on way home, the driver stopped suddenly, shocked by the sight of the murdered King’s body on the street. However, Tullia grabbed the reigns and drove the chariot over her father’s body, splattering herself with his blood. From then, the road has been known as Vicus Sceleratus (street of crime) due to Tullia disgracing her father and king. 

Early in Tarquin’s reign he invited the leaders of the Latin villages that surrounded Rome to the city in order to discuss their relationship. In the meeting, a guy called Turnus decided to slag off the new king to his countrymen. On hearing this, Tarquin bribed Turnus’ servant to store a large number of swords in Turnus’ lodging. Then Tarquin told all the other leaders about his suspicions that Turnus may want to assassinate him. They all went to his house, miraculously found the swords and Turnus’ guilt was quickly decided on. As punishment for this false crime, Tarquin chucked Turnus in a pool of water with a wooden crate around his head. Stones were then thrown into this box, the weight of these stones slowly forced Turnus to a watery grave. Not satisfied with his current CV of nefarious acts, Tarquin looked to widen his evil repertoire. So, next he went to war with a few of the Latin cities, one of which put up a big fight. Deciding not to waste any more resources on the conquest, Tarquin sent his son Sextus to trick them. Sextus, went to the city covered in bloody marks supposedly left by his abusive father and gained favour with the people and leaders alike. Quickly gaining control of the city’s military and the complete confidence of the people, he sent a messenger to Tarquin to ask how to proceed. Tarquin didn’t even bother replying, instead he was content thwacking the tops off the poppies in his garden with a cane. The hint was taken and Sextus beheaded or banished the leading military figures of the city he had been entrusted to. Tarquin didn’t have any trouble taking it off their hands after that. 

509 BC spelled the end for Tarquin and his tyrannical reign. He and his son Sextus were busy besieging the very wealthy city of Ratuli. The siege was taking a while so the men were cracking into a big bag of cans and telling tales of ladies, and during the chat one man (a Roman consul) told them about the virtuous and lovely woman he had married. So, everyone went to meet her and she was indeed a lovely amicable woman, however, Sextus had plans for her. As you might have imagined from his family history, the plans were less than savoury. He propositioned her and she refused. Unfortunately, Sextus wasn’t a big believer in being an acceptable attempt at a human being, so threatened to kill her and claim that she was caught in an act of adultery with a slave. To spare her husband the shame of believing Sextus’ lies she submitted and then once Sextus had left she called for her father and husband to reveal the affair anyway. Even more tragic was the fact that after telling her family she took her own life out of shame. The husband and father rallied their companions who swore to expel the king from Rome, chief among these men was Lucius Junius Brutus the head of the King’s personal bodyguard. With Lucius leading the charge, public sentiment towards the king was inflamed and the assembly of consuls was persuaded to revoke the King’s power, sending him to exile. Tarquin’s family fled and Sextus got assassinated while Tarquin himself rallied his allies to take back the throne (twice). He came very close both times, both sides took huge losses but Rome held and a new chapter in Rome’s history began. 

The Roman Republic (509 BC – 27 BC)

The Roman Republic was established with the Senate and elected consuls guiding Rome toward a fairer society. However, despite this movement away from autocratic leadership, the establishment of the Republic didn’t do anything to stabilise Rome. The Roman Republic was almost constantly at war with some tribe, empire or angry man with a sword during its 500 year history, which is pretty similar to the USA’s current track record of conflict (a lofty 222 years at war out of 239 years of existence i.e. 93%). The Republic’s endless wars were a mix of fighting for survival and fighting because they didn’t have Candy Crush back then. What else were they going to do? The first of their campaigns were to exert power over the Latin tribes. Pretty happy with their successes, they didn’t have to long to rest on their laurels because soon (in 390BC) a whole bunch of Central European tribes (the Gauls) decided that they would love to see what was on the other side of the Alps. After getting smashed at Après-ski, the Gauls finally laid eyes on the lands of Italy and decided to have it for one reason or another.

Pushing out all of the tribes north of Rome, soon the Republic had to intervene and meet the Gauls on the field of battle. Brennus the chieftain of the Senores (a Gallic Tribe) led the charge against the Romans. Shocked by the speed of the Gaulic advance, the Romans were badly organised and thinly spread. The Gauls attacked the reserve troops first to stop them wheeling in behind them and then drove the left wing of the Roman attack into the river. Those who dilly dallied were killed and those who managed to get to the river were lucky if they didn’t drown in their heavy armour. The rest of the troops didn’t fare any better and soon Brennus (a man with ferocious beard to match his battle temperament) got to Rome, but decided against going into the city immediately. This is because Brennus was so shocked at the little resistance they had faced, the open gates and lack of reinforcements, he thought it must be a trap. This time, spent waiting for sunrise by the Gauls, gave the Romans time to get up to the Citadel where they held off the Gauls in the coming days from the strategic high ground. Soon both sides were dealing with famine and malaria. Miserable with the state of affairs, the Gauls suggested they could be bought off while the Romans waited for reinforcements from other cities where soldiers had fled to. However, it turns out starvation is a very strong motivator and the Romans gave in to a ransom, agreeing to 1000lbs of gold. The Senones brought heavier weights to the scales and when the Romans protested Brennus threw his sword on top of the weights with a shrug saying “Vae victis” or “Woe to the conquered”. This not only was a show of power over the Romans (in short saying that they were defeated and could expect no leniency from their conqueror), but also a massive baller move. Brennus’ steely gaze held steady and the Romans were required to go and fetch more gold to counterbalance the added weight of Brennus’ sword. Weighed down by their newly acquired treasures the Gauls left and their legacy lives on because this attack would be the only time in the next 800 years that the city of Rome would be occupied by a non Roman army. 

Brennus when he smelt what Italy was cooking (a whole lot of Carbonara)

In the next 100 years, the Republic went from humiliation at the hands of the Gauls to conquering almost the entirety of Italy. The southern tip of Italy proved to be a strategically vital yet tactically difficult final obstacle for Rome. They had not yet come up against the might of the Greeks who had been in control of the area for the last 500 years. In 280 BC this changed, the Romans broke the treaty between the two powers by taking ships to the strategically placed harbour of Greek controlled Tarentum. The Greek population appealed for help, reaching out to the powerful and ambitious king of the Greek state of Epirus (across the Adriatic sea off the coast of the Balkans). Cousin of Alexander the Great, his name was Pyrrhus and he was keen to prove himself. He took 25,550 men and 20 war elephants (yes, war elephants, elephants trained to use guns. Ok, no I’m getting ahead of myself. Sorry) to Italy and defeated the Romans in a battle where Pyrrhus took enormous losses. Further north, after failing to move towards Rome, he met the Romans again at Asculum (279 BC) where he personally charged into battle alongside his troops, once again winning but at the cost of many of his troops. In the aftermath he allegedly said “If we are victorious in one more battle with the Romans, we shall be utterly ruined”. This gave birth to the phrase a “Pyrrhic Victory” (a victory that imposes such a devastating toll on the victors that it is equivalent to defeat). These battles and a brief defence of Sicily against the established forces of Carthage forced the end of his campaign and his retreat from Italy. 

Pyrrhus vs Rome
When people tried to explain to Pyrrhus that he won but also lost

Around this time, as Rome was consolidating power in Italy, the cities of the Decapolis were being established in the Levant. The Decapolis cities were founded by the Seluccids (the Eastern portion of Alexander’s empire that broke off after his death to become another Greekish Empire) as their colonial influence grew. On the edges of their power, the cities were places where assimilation of different cultures into the Greek model of living was encouraged so as to form cohesive Greek cities. However, they were also uniquely placed to be a centre of cultural mixing alongside the diffusion of Greek culture. For example, not only did locals start calling their chief deities “Zeus”, but the Greeks started to adopt indigenous deities within their pantheon of Gods. The Levant (as we know from the last two posts) has always been awash with people fighting to control this gateway between the cradle of civilisation in Mesopotamia and the wealth of the Mediterranean, even before religious wars became the new trend. So, everyone from the rich Phoenicians to the nomadic Nabataeans (who were busy making Petra their capital city by this point) were contributing to the ten cities of the Decapolis which flourished in this melting pot. 

The Punic Wars

Not far away on the island of Sicily, things were hotting up again as the Roman Republic continued expanding and the first Punic war began between Carthage and Rome. Carthage mainly owned Sicily, apart from the independent power of Syracuse, who Rome quickly allied with and set about trying to kick out the Carthaginians. After a few small wins, but no chance at capturing the almost impregnable Carthaginian strongholds by land, the Romans needed to try and match their expert seamanship. Within no time the Romans had built an enormous navy and introduced novel battle tactics (including the invention and application of the “Corvus”, a hooked ladder boarding device to expedite the capture of other boats). It worked and the Romans were on a major battle win streak so they thought why not strike the Carthaginians at home? Weed them out at the source. The Carthaginians caught wind of the plan and intercepted the Roman fleet on the southern shore of Sicily in (256 BC). With a total of 680 war ships and 290,000 crew and marines off of Cape Ecnomus, this was the largest naval battle in history. Rome won with 10,000 losses as opposed to the 40,000 on their opponent’s side and their invasion of Carthaginian territory began soon after. The drain on the resources of both sides was monumental and vast sums of money were borrowed. Carthage sued for peace but the big wigs in Rome gave a terrible deal so Carthage enlisted the help of a Spartan mercenary with an amazing name (Xanthippus) to train and lead an army against the invaders. He did as he was told, brought a whole load of elephants and destroyed 15,000 Roman soldiers with only 500 escaping alive. Turns out being raised as a killing machine in a strict military academy from the age of 7 stood Spartan men in pretty good stead for the demands of the time.

The Romans backed off and tried to escape North Africa only for their entire fleet to be destroyed by a storm which drowned 100,000 men (or the equivalent of the entire city of Worcester). But the loss of a fleet the size of a West Midlands city was not going to stop Rome and soon they had captured all of Sicily and rethreatened Carthage. Absolutely skint and unable to pay their mercenaries, Carthage agreed to the terms of a peace in 241BC after 23 years of war. One of the leading commanders of the mercenary armies, who had survived the naval battle of the Cape Ecnomus, was Hamilcar Barca. He was disappointed that he couldn’t kill any more Romans so went off on his own mission to drink as much Sangria as he could before his liver gave out. His young son Hannibal begged to come with him and Hamilcar agreed under one condition: Hannibal had to swear never to be a friend of Rome. The only issue with Hamilcar’s Sangria plan was that Spain didn’t belong to him. Nevertheless, undeterred by this trivial fact, he stormed through the southern half of the country eventually dying with a tummy full of Paella and a glass of Sangria in each hand. Ok, that’s not entirely true, he either died by being cut to bits or he drowned in a river (a bit less fun by all accounts). 

After the next person in line for command was assassinated, Hannibal stepped to the fore with lofty ambitions. Much like his father he loved a cheeky vino. At 26 years old he was commander in chief of the army and thirsty for some Italian vintages (probably a nice Chianti). Weighing up his options, it seemed the long walk to Italy would be worth it and he could further Carthaginian gains into foreign lands at the same time. Win win. Rome was busy snatching land in Sardinia and so Hannibal amassed his army in New Carthage (modern day Cartagena) in 218 BC and thus started the Second Punic War. He trekked across Europe, tactically picking apart mountain tribes in the Pyrenees and outmanoeuvring the Gauls of Central Europe (many of whom joined his ranks seeing him as the dominant force of the region). And then finally, with a army numbering at least 60,000 including an entire war elephant corps, he trekked across the Alps. It’s thought that at least half died along the treacherous journey through the mountains but there was no rest for the men, they descended from the peaks into Roman territory. All this talk of a man trekking across a snowcapped mountain range with North African Elephants (which are now extinct) was the kick that Rome needed to get properly involved. Carthage’s shame and desire to undo the losses of the first Punic war were manifested in Hannibal’s spirit and the symbolic promise he had made to his father spurred him on to capture Italy.

Reconstruction of Hannibal walking into Italy

He won three decisive victories with the last one being the most catastrophic for The Republic but also a turning point for Roman tactics. This was the Battle of Cannae which showcased what a genius tactician Hannibal was. Hannibal had taken the area around Cannae to cut off a crucial supply line to Rome. To combat this Rome amassed an army of 84,000 men which was led on the first day by a man with the forethought of a goldfish, Varro. He neglected to see the threat that the outnumbered Carthaginians posed. First, Hannibal lured the Romans to where he wanted them. Hemmed in by a steep hill and a river with only one direction to escape, the Romans were already at a disadvantage. However, when they came to face the Carthaginians in the early morning, it transpired that Hannibal had made sure the Romans would face the low morning sun and the prevailing wind blew the dust and sand from the approaching army into the Roman faces. Hannibal anticipated that the Romans would attempt a quick punch through the Carthaginian lines with their strong infantry, so, he let them. He put his infantrymen in a line of small units in the centre and then two flanks of cavalry around the outside. His cavalry was made up of heavier armoured Iberians cavalry on one side and the Numidians on the other (who were considered to be the best horsemen in all of Africa). As the Romans’ superior infantry attacked, the purposely weak centre to Hannibal’s army met them. Hannibal instructed a controlled retreat of the weaker central infantry as they sustained damage, the strong and well trained Roman infantry advanced just as Hannibal planned. His central infantry kept moving backwards while the strongest Carthaginian infantry on the flanks slowly enveloped the Romans in a tighter and tighter semicircle. The Romans didn’t have the room to remain cohesive or even swing a weapon effectively, negating their advantage in numbers. While this happened, Hannibal’s cavalrymen fought two different fights. The Iberians were pitched in an utterly brutal assault where they gave no ground to the onrush of Roman cavalry while on the other flank the faster Numidians were keeping their opponents occupied but avoiding too much damage. The Iberians forced the retreat of their opponents but instead of chasing them they looped round to totally engulf the rest of the Roman troops. It is claimed that around 67,000 Romans and 5,700 Carthaginians were killed in the battle which lasted only one day making it the single largest loss of life in a single day of battle ever. The brutality of the battle was described by the Roman historian Livy who talked of the Roman soldiers “rising up, covered with blood, from the midst of the heaps of slain”. However, the legacy of the battle isn’t only the horrors of death, but the utter genius of Hannibal. Every moment of the battle was orchestrated and timed to perfection by him. It is widely thought that Hannibal’s double envelopment (the first of its kind) in this battle was one of the greatest battlefield manouvers of all time. Theodore Dodge, a military historian and veteran of the American civil war said it best “The whole battle… is a consummate piece of art, having no superior, few equal, examples in the history of war”.

Rome was in a state of utter disarray following the battle. Their finest armies had been destroyed, the remaining troops were demoralised and everyone in the Republic had been touched by the losses against Hannibal’s armies. So, they just decided to stop meeting him in battle. Instead, they just sent little armies to annoy him and retake land wherever Hannibal’s armies weren’t. This slow attritional warfare demoralised the Carthaginian troops and their power started to wane. At the time Hannibal was unbeatable in battle but the Roman Republic was constantly adapting and stubborn as hell. The Carthaginians lost the Iberian Peninsula without Hannibal’s presence and under the control of another genius strategist called Scipio Africanus (a.k.a Skippy) the Romans began eyeing up the Carthaginian homeland again. After blazing through Iberia, North Africa and reaching Carthage, there was little Carthage could do but sue for peace again. They called for Hannibal’s return from Southern Italy and then when he got home they thought, “Screw this peace, Hannibal can save us”. The only problem was that Hannibal’s army had been plucked of its battle hardened veterans (including the Numidians who had switched sides) and its eagerness to fight. In battle they were no match for Skippy’s army which brought home a convincing win. Carthage surrendered immediately.

From here, Rome just obliterated everyone around the Mediterranean, with their eyes firmly set on the East, namely Greece/Macedonia. To conquer this land they pulled out of Iberia and Gaul to bring their full might on Alexander the Great’s birthplace centuries before. There were countless Macedonian wars, but in the end the outcome was the same. Rome pressed onwards crossing the Hellespont into Asia for the first time at around 190BC under the guidance of the war hero and military wizkid, Skippy. Thinking the job was done after defeating the Seluccid Empire, the Romans retreated from Greece hoping that the lack of power there would allow them to be at peace. A deluded thought but Rome was well equipped enough to quell the new uprising powers that filled the void, conquer Greece again and burn some cities. Then in 149BC, Carthage (which had recovered economically but not militarily from the first two Punic wars), had decided to send a small mission to kill some Numidians who had been attacking Carthaginian merchants. However, the strict treaty they had signed with Rome said that attacking any allies of the Republic would be seen as “War action”. So the defence of their own people against murder and piracy spelled the end for Carthage.

Rome when they saw Carthage breach their treaty

Rome decided to completely wipe Carthage off the map, telling everyone to surrender and to literally move their city into the desert away from the sea. Of course, the idea of moving their great and prosperous city away from the lifeblood of their people (the sea) was ludicrous so the Carthaginians said “Uhh, no?”. Not happy with the answer, the Romans besieged the city for seven days in 146 BC. The first six days they walked the streets and stalked the roofs killing every single person they came across in the city (650,000 people which is more than the population of Glasgow or roughly equal to Detroit). The Romans burnt every building and only on the final day did they accept prisoners, all of whom they sold into slavery (50,000 people). The inhuman cruelty and loss of life is almost impossible to imagine on that kind of scale and over that short amount of time. But just goes to show those Romans who we have to thank for a thousand world changing inventions, did erase an entire civilisation from the world just because they could. All Carthaginian territories became Roman and the rich and influential city built by the legendary Phoenician, Dido, would be lost forever. The charred remains were eventually built over by the Romans and then by the Islamic Caliphates.

The Republic’s Demise

The last century of the Roman Republic had begun. This time was notable for the rise of great generals manoeuvring their way to political power through successes in the civil wars happening throughout the Republic. Rome was powerful, more powerful than ever before, but much of this ascension was built on the backs of the enslaved. The Republic was fuelled by slave labour and soon the slaves had had enough. Two slave rebellions were fairly easily quashed on the island of Sicily but the third was far more impactful. It began in 73 BC when 70 slave gladiators escaped using kitchen utensils to fight their way to freedom. Hang on a minute. Imagine being an actual trained soldier and then being beaten to death with a whisk and a soup spoon. A truly embarrassing way to head to the afterlife. In fact I’d go as far as saying, no matter how good eternal paradise is, those soldiers would be looking back on their deaths with such shame that it would ruin their time in heaven. Anyway, the gladiators seized armour and weapons on the outside and easily dealt with the patrols sent to recapture them. Soon, they moved to Vesuvius which was a more easily defendable position. Led by the infamous Spartacus, the gladiators amassed a following of 120,000 people in 2 years. The fighting men of this band of followers came together to form a surprisingly formidable fighting force. They raided their way across Italy with relative impunity, defeating everything from small patrols to entire Roman legions in battle. Rome was becoming utterly embarrassed with their defeats against this rag tag group of fighting men. So, Crassus (the richest man in Rome), offered his help and money to the new leader of Rome, Sulla. Crassus was quickly put in charge of building the army needed to defeat Spartacus. An unyielding and often cruel man, Crassus implemented decimation in his army which was the disciplining of a military unit through the systematic killing of every tenth man in the group by his own cohort as punishment for a large offence such as cowardice or insubordination. Crassus’ men quickly realised that he was more dangerous to them than the enemy. This terrifying realisation somehow lifted their spirits to get on with the job at hand. An army of 8 legions was fielded to meet Spartacus, who’s armies fought a bitter and difficult battle, which was lost as more Roman armies came in from behind. Spartacus was killed in 71 BC and Crassus decided that 6000 of the captured survivors should be crucified along one of the Republic’s major roads. 

Crassus after decimating his troops and crucifying his prisoners

While Crassus was admiring his gory handywork, the general Pompey was building his reputation. Having helped Sulla capture Rome’s no.1 seat by force in a violent civil war, Pompey was soon put in charge of getting rid of pirates in the Mediterranean which he did with extraordinary efficiency. Needing a bit more of a challenge he headed east to fight the Armenians who were starting to extend their reach into neighbouring lands. This forced Pompey to send an envoy to them saying “You’re getting way too big for your boots, you’re never too big for the boot, I’ve got the big size twelves on my feet, your face ain’t big for my boot. Skeng chat. Kick up the yout, man know that I kick up the yout, dem boy dere tried twist up the truth, how dare you twist up the truth?”. This clear and completely historically accurate message (that is remarkably similar to the lyrics of Stormzy’s smash 2017 hit) was sent in 73 BC and started the third of Rome’s wars with Armenia. This dragged the whole region into turmoil until the Armenian king died and Pompey clinched victory in 63 BC. Pompey headed south and into a region of instability. The Seluccids (those semi-Greek remnants of Alexander the Great’s Empire) had been disintegrating in Syria while the Palestine based Jewish Kingdom of Judea had taken control of the Decapolis in 102 BC but by the time Pompey arrived they were at civil war. Pompey didn’t like this instability so close to The Republic’s Eastern cities so he swept through Syria, incorporating the Seluccid territories into the Republic and then making the Kingdom of Judea into a client state after Pompey’s conquest of their territories. This meant that Judea kept its independence but the leaders were subservient to Rome, having to provide tribute and soldiers. A group of cities saw that Pompey was reassigning land and they didn’t want to be incorporated into the Jewish state of Judea because of their rich Greek history and separate culture. So, they appealed to Pompey and he agreed, giving these 10 cities autonomy with Roman protection. Chuffed with this outcome, these cities were named “Decapolis” or “The Ten Cities”. No longer just Greek cities they were the ten cities protected by Rome on the Eastern edge of the Republic’s influence. The Decapolis cities marked 63 BC as “Year one” of their new calendar in Pompey’s honour.

While Pompey had been taking advantage of the disjointed empires in the East, Julius Caesar had been working hard to rise up the ranks in Rome’s political structure. First, he returned to Rome after Sulla’s death in 78 BC (because Sulla hadn’t liked Caesar’s links with the old regime), then he got captured by pirates and insisted he was important enough for them to ask for a larger ransom. Honestly, who does that? After the ransom was paid he was released and he raised a fleet to find the pirates. He crucified all of them before setting off to Asia and Spain as a newly elected official. Rome was getting very into the whole crucifying trend at this time, which is just as well because they would be doing their most famous crucifixion in about 100 years time. Plenty of time to get the technique nailed down. After a few successful campaigns Caesar found himself indebted to Crassus (the rich man mad on crucifying) who had helped pay off some of Caesar’s pay day loans. So, as Caesar rose in power with Crassus’ money, Crassus made sure that he had enough political clout to counteract his no.1 opposition, Pompey. Caesar saw that Pompey and Crassus working together would be much more beneficial so he sought to reconcile their relationship. This period of Roman history was rife with corruption and Caesar’s rise to power was no exception, money flowed between the hands of the elite and soon Pompey, Crassus and Caesar had united in an informal alliance known as the First Triumvirate (60 BC). Their combined money and political influence meant that they could properly control public business.

Content with their arrangement, Caesar jetted off to central and western Europe to fight the extensive power of the Gauls in the Gallic wars (58-50BC) while Crassus went to fight the Parthian Empire in modern day Iran and Iraq (the start of on and off wars between the Romans and the Persians that would last almost 700 years). Crassus saw the Parthian control of the Central Silk Road (the cultural and monetary confluence of the East and West) as a perfect opportunity for the theft of the world’s riches. However, he sorely underestimated the power of the Persians and overextended his reach into the deserts where he was killed in 53 BC. Caesar had more success. The military strength of the Gauls was easily equal to that of the Romans but they didn’t have the cohesion to fight effective battles and so Caesar easily conquered Gaul and even made the first Roman visit to Britain. Over the 8 year war with Gaul, 1 million Gauls died and another million were enslaved. 

Crassus’ death had destroyed the Triumvirate and the tension between Pompey and Caesar grew. Pompey, who was in charge of the Senate, said that Caesar must return home from war as a normal citizen because his term as governor had ended. Caesar suspected backstabbery would occur if he set foot in Rome so declined. Pompey called him treasonous and Caesar marched towards Rome with a single legion. He reached the seemingly insignificant river of Rubicon in 49 BC and had the composure to quote a Greek playright as he crossed the river saying “the die is cast”. He was right, the civil war began with that crossing. Pompey (despite being an adept military man) thought himself and his many legions incapable of fighting Caesar so legged it. Caesar killed Pompey in Greece while his top man, Mark Antony looked after Rome.

Pompey on seeing Caesar cross a little stream

Caesar rose from the civil war to dictator. The term “dictator” was used to denote an elected magistrate of Rome who was given more power for a specific purpose where greater responsibility and faster judgement would be required outside of the Senate. Therefore, many dictators were appointed to lead important battles or decide on elections when the consuls were unable to. In order to stop these dictators from threatening the sanctity of the Roman state, they were obliged to resign their office once the appointed task had been accomplished, or at the expiration of six months. Therefore, the scope of the dictator’s power was limited until Sulla who, after taking control by force, was given the power to rewrite the laws and constitution of the Roman state, while Caesar became the first “dictator for life” in January 44BC.

Caesar did a lot of important things but the most enduring was his implementation of a new calendar. This was a move away from the lunar calendar to a solar based system so that farmers could align their seasonal planting with the calendar for consistent practices year to year. The length of a year was set to 365.25 days and he added the leap year too. This is almost identical to the calendar still used today and the only difference is that Pope Gregory XIII (in 1582) made a tiny edit to make a year 365.2425 days instead, which made it slightly closer to the solar year. This change was needed because despite the tiny difference between the two, the Julian calendar gained a day every 128 years which started to mess everything up towards the end of its 1,600 year use.

Caesar’s increasingly monarchical behaviour as dictator didn’t sit well with the senators of Rome, especially those who had opposed Caesar in the Civil war (e.g. Brutus & Cassius). So, in March 44 BC they plotted to kill him. The faithful Mark Antony learned of the plot but was headed off as Caesar made his way to the Senate. One man called Casca presented Caesar with petition which he refused to pay attention to, so Casca grabbed Caesar and pulled out a dagger, swiping at his neck. Being an absolute weapon of a man, Caesar swivelled and grabbed the arm of Casca before he could do any damage. But Casca screamed out for help and the Senators piled in, stabbing Caesar from all directions. He was stabbed 23 times and he died from blood loss (determined by the first, and surely the least necessary, post mortem report in history).

Caesar’s adopted son Octavian formed another triumvirate with Mark Antony and some other dude in order to defeat Brutus and Cassius who were seeking control after Caesar’s death. The civil war was messy and came a resolution in Macedonia where two final showdowns took place: Octavian vs Brutus and Mark Antony vs Cassius. The second of the two showdowns didn’t have much discipline, tactical forethought or a real winner. It was just an improvisational bloodbath, where after feeling he had lost, Cassius killed himself. This left only Brutus who quickly followed suit, killing himself after a hard fought battle in 42 BC. Octavian controlled Rome while Antony got control of the East (including the client state of Egypt) after the win. Antony found himself having an affair with Cleopatra VII who had acquired a taste for Roman men (she had had a private affair and son with Caesar). The only issue was that the wife that Antony was cheating on was Octavian’s sister (yes, this is a Roman Eastenders). The final nail in the coffin was when Antony divorced Octavian’s sister and married Cleopatra. As a dutiful brother, Octavian declared war. So, Cleopatra and Antony faced off with Octavian in the Final War of the Roman Republic (Battle of Actium, 31 BC). The naval battle was lost by Antony and Cleopatra and when Octavian invaded Egypt, Antony’s forces fled and he committed suicide. Cleopatra learned that after his success against all foes, Octavian planned to bring her to his triumphal procession. These were enormous civil and religious ceremonies to celebrate an extraordinary military victory which featured banquets, games and processions through the city, often showing the spoils of war. Cleopatra didn’t want to be one of those chained spoils of war so she killed herself. The last man standing after all this suicide, Octavian took charge and despite restoring the outward facade of the Republic he kept autocratic power for himself calling himself the “First Citizen”. His ascension to power marked the end of the Republic and the beginning of the Roman Empire we all know and love. Octavian changed his name to Augustus, the first Emperor. 

The Roman Empire (27 BC – 476 AD)

From the onset of Augustus’ reign, a period of unprecedented peace and stability began in the Roman Empire (Pax Romana) which lasted roughly 200 years. Of course, on the edges of the vast Empire expansion was taking precedent over peace, so battles still raged to claim new land for Rome. Despite the relative peace within the boundaries of the Empire, this was still Ancient Rome so there was still the occasional assassination, crazy tyrant and bout of untold cruelty. The Emperor Caligula was the top of the pile in this regard. He was a self obsessed sadist who, during some gladiatorial games (that he was presiding over), ordered his guards to throw an entire section of the audience into the arena during the intermission. This was only because he was bored and wanted some light entertainment. Strictly Come Dancing was off the table, so what was the next best thing? Watching helpless people be ripped to shreds by wild animals of course! In other fun exploits he made his horse a priest, prostituted his sisters and waged war on the God Neptune by ordering his soldiers to attack the sea and collect shells as war booty. Who needs sanity when you have total supreme power? After, Augustus (who outlived his heirs) there were 4 bad emperors (including Caligula) and then they were followed by 4 Emperors in one year (69 AD) the last of which started construction of the Colosseum. The Five Good Emperors came next, and under their guidance the Empire grew to its greatest extent. 

Caligula

I’d be astonished if anyone is even reading this far but we’re getting to the bit where I don’t talk about history so hang on. This period of the early Roman Empire was when the Decapolis saw the most extensive expansion and investment. The cities’ autonomy under Rome (as established by Pompey) continued into the Empire and Rome sponsored or built many buildings leaving their cultural stamp in the region. Roman roads made commercial ties between the independent cities easy and wealth flooded into the region. Also, it’s probably worth mentioning a Jewish bloke called Jesus who popped into the Decapolis a few times. As some of the most wealthy and free cities in the land, they were hard to avoid and they were some of the few places he went on his TED Talk circuit where he spoke to non-Jewish folk. A demon possessed man was supposedly healed by Jesus in the city of Gerasa or Gadara (see the cities below). Then, feeling much better without a demon inside him, he asked to join the roaming squad of Bible boys (less commonly known as the disciples). Jesus said “Nah mate, not feeling your vibes”, and left. After a century or so, the Decapolis cities came under direct Roman rule in 106 AD when the second of the Five Good Emperors (Trajan) annexed the province making Petra his capital. Trajan presided over the greatest military expansion in Roman history but still managed to be a stand up human being. He was a wise and moral man as well as a philanthropist, making his mark with extensive public building projects and implementing successful social welfare throughout the Empire. One of his building projects included “Trajan’s New Road” which ran the length of Jordan to facilitate trade, its route is still used today as the renamed “King’s Highway” (the visually stunning route we road-tripped along). In fact, Trajan’s only downfall that I could find was a truly terrible haircut, but no one is perfect. Hadrian followed Trajan and instead of trying to expand the Empire he focussed on defensible borders (e.g. that wall) and the unification of disparate peoples. In his Empire-wide travels he brought specialists to sure up defences while he focussed on the many building projects he had in mind, such as rebuilding the Pantheon, but many other structures were built in honour of his visits.

After the good emperors, there was an African Emperor who’s parents loved JK Rowling’s work so much that he was named after 3 separate Harry Potter characters (Lucius Septimius Severus), Constantine the Christian convert made some big decisions based on the shape of a cloud and the Empire split like an apple in Bob Mortimer’s hands. The Western half got smacked up by the mass migration of clans fleeing some nomadic Eastern European/Central Asian people called the Hun. These clans that ran and then attacked Rome were the Goths and they were the first foreign enemies to take Rome since Brennus at the start of the Republic 800 years before. This was a major landmark in the fall of the Western Empire and the transition of Roman culture to Constantinople home of the Byzantine Empire.

History is actually done. Seriously. No more. 

*Deep Breaths* 

Gerasa/Jerash

Jerash (named Gerasa in ancient times) was one of the most important of the Decapolis cities and stands as one of the best preserved Greco-Roman cities in the world and yet, it took me 6 months to make the trip to there. Sebastian, Tam, David and I set off as early as we could to the bus stop, where we caught the standard cheap minibus to Jerash. It was a quick and surprisingly comfortable ride and once we arrived in the town surrounding the ruins we were almost ready to have a look around. The one thing that was stopping us though was the worrisome anticipation of hunger. More dangerous than real hunger, the anticipation of a grumbly stomach and an energy-sapping lack of carbs is an anxiety-inducing hell. This jittery need for a food safety net was amplified by Firas’ advice that there was a good place to get Mandi nearby. A Yemeni dish of spiced rice with meat on top, Mandi couldn’t be much more simple. It’s minimalistic deliciousness combined with a consistently low price made it almost acceptable for me to eat a full tray of the stuff at every opportunity. The Mandi restaurant in Jerash was closed inside thanks to Covid/Corona virus (or ‘MaCorona’ as it was called in Jordan) but the guys in the restaurant pulled a table and chairs out onto the street for us which was nice. Our energy meter was recharged with every mouthful of spiced carbs and soon we strode towards the entrance to the city. 

First, we walked in and there seemed to be no one to make us pay or collect tickets, so we turned left and wandered around the hippodrome happily unchecked. We enjoyed the empty stands for a while but then headed back past the road entrance to the main part of the ancient city. Unfortunately, this is where the ticket collectors were and no matter how much I begged they would not let me pay for a ticket there, instead I had to walk all the way back past the hippodrome and to the hidden ticket booth. The only positive of this detour was the closeup look at Hadrian’s Arch. Built to commemorate Hadrian’s visit in 130 AD, the arch sits on the edge of the city and was enormous. We enjoyed the brief shade under its majestic yet imposing main archway before heading back to the entrance. Tam and I had split off from David and Sebastian so headed in before them.

Jerash Roman Hippodrome Decapolis
Hadrian's Arch Decapolis Jerash
Hadrian’s arch

Tam had been to Jerash before but didn’t disclose any spoilers as we made our way up to the Temple of Zeus, through the ruins of other smaller religious buildings. Then from there, Tam and I looked over the unique oval plaza and waited for Sebastian and David. When they arrived we chatted to an ex-military bagpipe player who was very welcoming. His chattiness began to grate when he wouldn’t leave us alone, insisting we hear him play in the nearby amphitheatre. We were heading that way anyway so we clambered around the incredibly well preserved theatre to the sounds of a man trying to pass off the screams of tortured souls as music. We checked out the Greek inscriptions on the front row seats and then left towards the enormous temples on the hill. 

Roman Oval Plaza Jerash Decapolis
Temple of Zeus Jerash Decapolis
Temple of Zeus with the boys
Roman Amphitheatre Jerash Decapolis

I snuck off to have a gander at what I thought would be a waste of time. A small building, not mentioned in any of the promotional hype of Jerash, I just wandered over there out of nothing more than a chronic fear of missing out. I’m so glad I did. Within the low walls was the most intricate and well preserved mosaic I’ve ever seen (you can see zoomed in sections below). 

Jerash Decapolis
Roman Mosaic Jerash
Roman Mosaic Jerash Decapolis

While David was giving Tam a history lesson, Sebastian and I met back up and revelled in clambering around the ruins. We wandered around the thick walls of the vast ancient temples who’s columns were the only vertical remnants to remind us of the true scale of the buildings. Another amphitheatre complete with tunnels and a back stage area later, we headed towards the other side of the city. Following one of the roads we made it to the 4-way junction of the main roads of the city which was covered by a square building with arches above each road. The ceiling of the building was a impressively large dome that covered the convergence of the roads. We continued through the old bathhouse which was enormous, intricate and a little overgrown and by this time the sun was sinking and the mid summer heat was waning. These summer temperatures had dried all the grasses of the usually lush landscape, but at this time of the day low angled sunlight captures the beauty even in the most unlikely of things. The grasses provided a swaying golden backdrop to our walk back through the city. We walked along the long colonnaded street back towards the plaza, stopping along the way to admire the grandeur of the lower sections of the vast temples and stare at the ornate details carved into the nymphaeum (a sanctuary for the Nymphs, especially those of springs). This nymphaeum would’ve had a half domed roof and multiple fountains of aqueduct fed water cascading into large basins next to the road, surely a sight to behold 2000 years ago. The richness of the light kept intensifying, the columns capturing its essence, trapping its warmth within their structures. We slowly took in the oval plaza from ground level and then waited for Tam and David to catch up so we could hop on the bus home. 

Roman Amphitheatre Jerash Decapolis
Roman columns Jerash Decapolis
Roman ruins Jerash
Roman ruins Jerash
Entrance to Roman temple Jerash
Roman road Jerash
Roman Nymphaeum
Roman road Jerash
Roman ruins Jerash

Gadara/Umm Qais

Heading from Amman with an unorthodox seating arrangement, we took the long drive to Umm Qais before heading to one of the crusader castles (Ajlun) later that day. Sat in the far north of the country, Umm Qais is the modern town which neighbours the ancient city of Gadara. While Gadara was not as large or well preserved as Gerasa, it was still well worth a visit. The darker stone buildings of the marketplace were almost totally intact and so was the amphitheatre. Next, we all followed the cambered and colonnaded road to the north, amazed at the condition of it and the views to our right over the Golan Heights. We had chosen a pretty poor day to explore the large open air ruins of an entire city because it was verging on 40 degrees. Luckily, Firas and Ahmed found a hidden underground tomb which was unbelievably cool so we all congregated there for a while. Unlike Jerash, the walls of the individual rooms and buildings hadn’t stayed standing but wandering around the expansive remnants within the intact city walls was still fascinating (if a little hot). 

Gadara roman ruins
Roman ruins umm qais
A dark sanctuary for our sweaty bodies

We hopped back in the car and headed onwards to try and find a better view over the valley. We parked up at the end of a narrow gravel track and walked a few hundred metres. There our mountainside dropped away into the Jordan Valley. I never tired of seeing its patchwork of greens contrast with the flaxen mountains on its borders but this view gave us something extra, our first real look at the Sea of Galilee. The second lowest lake in the world after the Dead Sea, the sea of Galilee lies in Israel and has been the sight of many famous events including many of Jesus’ miracles. Unfortunately, this was a “just look, no touching” situation because of the border less than a kilometre from where we were standing. We all thought it was a little unfair how they were hogging all and lovely, refreshingly cool, freshwater but we all made peace with it and continued to take in the views over the Jordan valley, the Golan Heights and Syria. 

Jordan Valley
Sea of Galilee
Everything green is Israel

Pella

The final of the Decapolis cities we visited (apart from Amman which will be covered in another post or two) was Pella. At the end of our Jordan trail walk, where we camped looking over the Ziglab dam, Pella was a welcome sight. We had been walking all day and a multitude of spiky things had found their way into my feet but eventually we found our way through a beautiful pine forest and into a wadi, Pella appeared as we rounded the last bend, its angular edges an ancient welcome back to a man-made world. Pella had been greatly damaged by the Jewish Kingdom before Pompey’s arrival in 63 BC (so was Gadara) but it survived and was home to some magnificent religious sites some of which date back to the Bronze Age. In fact Pella became one of the earliest Jewish/Christian hubs in the world after a lot of Jesus’ followers fled to Pella during a siege of Jerusalem in 70 AD. We didn’t spend long in Pella compared to the other sites because it was much smaller but we enjoyed the freedom to clamber around the place trying to imagine what it would’ve been like in its hay day. 

Roman ruins Pella Jordan

Final Thoughts

These posts have been an absolute joy to write. I have never been a history buff, in fact I always found it rather dry and unrelatable. The language it’s written in, the number of complicated names and the details concerning what those boring people did in unnecessarily dull detail has always been my own personal substitute for counting sheep. But as I began reading and rewriting these vast tracts of history for myself I realised I had found a way to make history interesting for me. These posts may be unwarranted historical dissertations on a travel blog but I tried not to make them threateningly historical or even marginally intellectual (much like my actual university dissertation). Instead, I tried to focus on not only the most important things but also the most interesting people. Whether it was reading about the mad life of Big Ray of Challiton when researching my Crusades post, discovering the rise of a warrior class of slave soldiers who rose to rule a Sultanate in my last post or learning about the turbulent rise of Rome here, big characters with largely untold stories shine through. Their incredible lives are indelible in my memory because of their big adventures, terrible defeats and awful crimes against humanity. History’s window into the past should of course reflect the truth but we don’t need to know all the names, dates or council meetings. Give me a few psychotic killers and some war elephants any day. I think if Big Ray had a blog I’d just give up on this and read his instead, but unfortunately he’s long dead and mostly forgotten. So, in a sense I’m giving him and all the rest of the morally questionable characters interred within these posts an opportunity to rise out of historical obscurity and into the modern world. 

* * *

I understand this historical trilogy may not have been for everyone, and much like the extended version of The Return of the King, I’m sure you wished this had ended 30 minutes earlier. But if you did enjoy them, leave a like or a comment below. I’d love to hear which was your favourite story and which megalomaniac you most identify with/aspire to become. 

6 Comments on “Histories III – Rome & The Decapolis”

    • I’ve got an elephant guy, he’ll sort you out a little something… And by “a little something” I mean a resurrected North African war elephant with only one thing on its mind, the destruction of the Roman infantry

  1. Very interesting, most of which I didn’t have a clue about until I read your post. One of my favorite stories is that of the Sabine womens intervention to unite two waring factions.

    • Thank you 🤙🏼 yeah it was a very brave act, one of the only stories of people being decent in the whole post

  2. Where to start, an excellent summation of history. The Gauls getting smashed at Après-ski, and Hamilcar dying with a tummy full of Paella and a glass of Sangria in each hand, not to mention being beaten to death with a whisk and a soup spoon, made me cry with laughter,
    As for your line about Rome getting very into the whole crucifying trend because they would be doing their most famous crucifixion in about 100 years time. “Plenty of time to get the technique nailed down.”
    🤣
    Your similes to modern day are truly brilliant, come dancing and the reference to Eastenders, albeit very British, oh go easy on the USA otherwise you might lose a potential audience, yet you did not disappoint towards the tail as you perfectly described the differing ruins, in your indomitable style.
    I completely agree with the readers comment about the Sabine women intervening to unite two waring factions, incredible. I am sure there’s more to that story line.
    I will try to pass a link of your blogs to a few notable entities, as I feel, you deserve more recognition than the few who have read and commented accordingly.
    Please keep writing, it is possibly the most entertaining and exciting ‘historical’ (tongue in cheek) travel blog in years, yes slightly polarized but not offensive, and brilliant.
    I have many questions, not least, how you came to do this, and your inspirations etc.

    • Wow! Firstly, let me say thank you for taking the time to write a comment in keeping with the lengthiness of the post itself. I’m really glad you enjoyed reading a heathen’s take on history! Any act of spreading the word about this strange culinary/historical, multinational, literary whirlwind is of course much appreciated too. If you would like to chat further about any aspect of the blog feel free to email me using the email from the “Contact Me” page.

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